he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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