I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
