HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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