I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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