Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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