Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
