He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
