Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
