like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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