i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
