She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
