my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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