my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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