The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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