Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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