There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
