wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
