Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's like heaven, but drunker
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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