And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize