ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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