Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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