Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
