Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
