I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
