I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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