three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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