Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
