took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
