remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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