where am i from again
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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