i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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