he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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