So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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