Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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