I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize