so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
