So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
