I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
