remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
