I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
me + whiskey = a bad person
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
