i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
