peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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