She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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