But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
