Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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