I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
