Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
