dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
