apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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