Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
