I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
