I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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