I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
