If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
