I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
