You can't special order awesome
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
