You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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