you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
