So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
