Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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