My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
