i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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