remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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