the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize