Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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