I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
