ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
