Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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