My nipple is on Facebook.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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