Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
