So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
