i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
