I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
