Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
